How to Prevent a Halloween Horror Show: Stopping Parenting Disputes Before They Arise

Halloween is just a couple days away and the advertisements from Party City and displays in Wal-Mart and Target have been in full swing. For some parents it may be easy to figure out who will take the child Trick-or-Treating, but all too often that is not the case.  If you are encountering difficulty deciding where (or whether) your child will go Trick-or-Treating because of the other parent’s behavior, you’re not alone.  Halloween is one of the biggest holidays for children, and as a result can become a battlefield for parents post-divorce or post-separation.  Take comfort in knowing that there are a number of ways to resolve a dispute, or potential disputes, without setting foot in a courtroom.

Check your Separation Agreement – Plan ahead by re-reading your separation agreement or judgment to see what it says about sharing holidays.  Children need to be prepared by knowing where they are going as well.  Having this information can be invaluable when managing expectation and can prevent a Halloween Eve horror show.

Multiple Trick-or-Treat Outings – It is not unheard of for kids of divorced or separated parents to have more than one Trick-or-Treat adventure. Trunk-or-Treat has become a popular alternative to Trick-or-Treating and is usually arranged at school. “Safe” Trick-or-Treating at local shopping centers and malls are offered in many communities as well.  Another possible option could be alternating years sharing the official “Halloween” holiday.  If that is acceptable,  the parent in the off-year can avail him or herself of one of these other kinds of Trick-or-Treat events.

Alternate Holidays or Vacation Dates – If one parent does not celebrate Halloween because of religious reasons or places a higher priority on other yearly family holidays, an offer could be extended to switch parenting time or dates so that the child can enjoy the fun.  In contrast, if one parent places a lot of importance on spending time with the child on Halloween, concessions can always be made by bartering other vacation or holiday time.  This give-and-take can quickly resolve the issue without 3rd party involvement and keep unnecessary drama to a minimum.

Share the Holiday – Try to figure out a way to share the holiday, if at all possible.  Just because parents are separated, does not mean that this can’t be accomplished.  Both parties could participate in Trick-or-Treating for the sake of their child as it is for a relatively small amount of time, and is often done in groups with other families and children migrating from house to house.  The other parent on the receiving end is bound to appreciate the gratuitous gesture and may extend a courtesy in the future when least expected.

Regardless of the outcome or resolution, parents should know that a child’s well-being should be a priority and should always keep their best interests in mind when working with the other parent.

The Miranda Warning: More Than Words 50th Anniversary Law Day Commemoration

“You have a right to remain silent….”.  These words have become so well-known in our culture today that most Americans can recite them by heart.

Despite the familiarity of the words, many people are not aware that this year marks the 50th anniversary of the 1966 landmark decision Miranda v. Arizona decision, in which the U.S. Supreme Court overturned the conviction of Ernesto Miranda on kidnapping and rape charges of a 17 year old girl because he was not informed of his rights during his arrest, making his written and signed confession null and void.  In this landmark decision, the court set forth specific guidelines which law enforcement officers must follow when interrogating suspects during a criminal investigation. The court essentially ruled that in order for statements made by a suspect during custodial interrogation to be admissible at trial, police must have advised the suspect before the interrogation began their constitutional rights which guarantee that no citizen can be compelled by the government to incriminate himself/herself, and that a citizen in a criminal proceeding is entitled to the effective assistance of counsel.

Although the court did not mandate specific language for implementation, district attorneys in California penned the first draft of rights during the summer of 1966 which ultimately resulted in the creation of the  familiar cadence of the Miranda Warning which is now recited to suspects by law enforcement officials.  The effect was amplified when television producer and actor Jack Webb decided to fold the Miranda rule into the 1967 revival of the television series Dragnet.  This  practice quickly spilled over into other popular television police dramas in the years the followed.

Each year May 1st is Law Day, the date designated by Congress in 1958 for Americans to celebrate the many benefits we derive from living in a society governed by the rule of law. In celebration of Law Day 2016, the Middlesex County Bar Association joined in the national commemoration of the golden jubilee of the Miranda decision in its annual law day program which recognizes and awards high school students in Middlesex County who exhibit the qualities and characteristics of good citizens and are active in civic engagement.

The ceremony was held on May 5th at the Middlesex County Superior Court in Woburn and welcomed distinguished guests Middlesex County District Attorney Marian T. Riley,  Middlesex County Sherriff Peter J. Koutoujian, and Middlesex County Bar President Damien Gilletti.  In total,13 high school students were recognized for their commitment to community service, excellence in achievement, and civic involvement.  In addition to citizenship award presentations, several scholarships including the Honorable Francis P. Cullen Memorial Scholarship and the Karen Lombard Memorial Scholarship were awarded as well.

Our liberty, fundamental freedoms, and privileges we enjoy as Americans are firmly rooted in the Constitution and our commitment to good governance under the rule of law. The Middlesex County Bar Association strongly encourages all citizens to familiarize themselves with the form and structure of our governmental institutions, and take advantage of the many ways in which they can exercise their freedoms to ensure that those governmental institutions operate most effectively for our collective benefit.

New Years: A Fresh Start for Old Habits?

The new year is the perfect time for a lot of people to super-charge their self-improvement plan by getting motivated, focused and organized.  People tend to view the start of a new year as a 365 page book that has yet to be written.  Each day represents a blank page that has all the narration potential that optimism and hard work can pen – the decision is ours.

When you consider how many if not most people over-eat, over-spend and over-indulge over the course of the holiday season, it should come as no surprise that by the time the new year arrives, people are craving structure, self-discipline and relief from the guilt that follows many of these excesses.  It is not uncommon for people to file for divorce, start a new career or relocate as part of a new years strategy to self-improve. However, more often than not resolutions involve belly-fat and biceps and are frequently made at the last minute as the year draws to a close.

Why then, do new years resolutions have seem so difficult to maintain for most people? Although almost half of all Americans make some kind of New Years resolution, according to U.S. News and Word Report, 80% of all new years resolutions fail.  Focusing on how you should approach your new years resolutions can help you resolve not to let old habits get a fresh start in the new year.

Mind Over Matter

After you’ve given yourself a pep talk about the importance of goal-setting and self-care, it is your responsibility to make sure you maintain a positive mind set as you start to go through the new year.  There are going to be days when you feel discouraged and may lack the resolve to follow through.  While will power is important, it will fail you if you entertain negative thoughts and begin to reason away your resolve.  If you have a bad day and fail at some of your goals, forgive yourself and don’t let yesterday’s failure interfere with tomorrow’s successes.  Be focused on your everyday behavior and don’t push too far ahead into tomorrow.  To that end, you will be better able to enjoy today for what it is and appreciate small successes.

Do you remember your resolutions from one short year ago?  Small incremental resolutions are the best for success, but even still require constant daily dedication. 

Keep it Realistic

When it comes to setting your resolutions, make sure you make them reasonable and attainable. It’s also important not to deal in absolutes.  Let’s face it – you aren’t going to be speaking fluent Swahili,  playing a french horn concerto, or losing large quantities of body fay within a month’s time.  Also, if you resolve to go to the gym 6 days a week as opposed to simply adopting a healthier lifestyle or losing weight, you are going to be setting yourself up for failure.  What happens if you get the flu and can’t make it in for 7 days?  Recognize your own boundaries and keep your goals reachable in the context of your life.  Set a well thought out plan for your goals that you know you are going to be able to follow.

Get Advice – Good Advice

While it can be beneficial to seek out the advice of close friends and family, be wary of jumping on the bandwagon of self-help gurus who don’t know you, aren’t familiar with your lifestyle, and may not offer good wisdom and judgment.  Researcher and psychologist Richard Wiseman found that many of these ideas that are frequently recommended by self-help experts simply don’t work based on the results of his study on new years resolutions.  “If you are trying to lose weight, it’s not enough to stick a picture of a model on your fridge or fantasize about being slimmer.” Wiseman said.

Check Your Motives

What is the driving force behind your resolutions?  Is guilt or shame?  How about fear or insecurity?  If so, it’s best to take a step back and evaluate your mind set and how you actually view yourself.  It is a well-settled fact that negative emotions are poor fuel to launch a campaign for self-improvement.  Harvard Business School Researcher Amy Cuddy told the Business Insider that (people) “tend to focus on things they want to change about themselves and things they dislike about themselves,”  she went onto explain that when a person does this “you’re eliciting in yourself negative emotions. Some negative emotions are motivating, but for the most part, they’re not.” If you say, “I’m going to stop eating junk food,” to use an example, you’re denigrating yourself before even getting started. You’re better off framing your goal as “eating healthier” so that you’ll remain motivated and optimistic.

Ellen Anna Wright is a senior attorney at Wright Family Law Group in Tewksbury, Massachusetts focusing her practice on Family Law, Personal Injury and Bankruptcy.